I had spent many nights in prayers. I started believing the unbelievable, just for the sake of some magic that could help her survive.
There was a pain I felt, a deep shattering pain of what might happen when she will leave. How the lives would change. How that house wouldn’t be the same anymore. How her voice reverberated in my ears, how her sweet chiding became even louder. How the innately inconsequential moments became too important. How it seems her going away will scoop out life from a family and all those who are connected with it.
It’s amazing, how we are so averted to change. It was not only her departure but the change that her non-existence would bring around. How insignificant we feel someone is in our lives until we see her go. How we take people for granted unless they are about to leave. How confident we feel that they will wake up every day when we know it’s not true. How we surround ourselves with lies of eternity.
It is difficult to accept how inescapable pain sometimes becomes. How those sweet memories serve as warm cosy cushions for you to lie onto them and feel happy and blissful again, only to open your eyes and again and feel those very cushions gone cold and pale.
How you feel you should have talked a little more, spent time a little more if you had known she will go away one day. We didn’t know that you know? Or did we?
Why do we fool ourselves into believing all those who are around us, will be with us for the rest of our lives? We become habitual of them and forget that they are just co-travellers on this journey to life and we never know where they might disembark the vehicle, leaving us all alone. They will completely vanish in existence, leaving several hordes of memories to live by and love.
You are just left with this pain squeezing your heart such that sometimes it feels difficult to breathe and sometimes tears are the only warmth you need. Sometimes being in bed is the only way to hide and believe maybe this is all but another bad dream.
I was a part of her family for merely 3 years. But somehow the pain that she left inside me was unwarranted. I don’t know how much she loved me. But certainly, it must be her love that has left me so shattered..
Cocooned in Curiosity 